Some of my biggest challenges are at the school right now. Somehow I think that because I am white, people think that I can magically do more than most people can. But, unfortunately, I'm human too, and I can't do everything. Lately, it seems that every student is getting on my case about grading things. It hasn't been a problem in months and I've got a rhythm down, so I'm not sure what happened. I've been having multiple students coming to my desk asking me why I haven't marked their exercise book in two days (it has never been unusual for me to wait a couple of days to check their work). I'm trying to be patient, but when I tell them I'm getting around to it, they just get angry at me. And when I try to send them back to class, they get even more frustrated. I'm not sure what to do. I can't get them to leave me alone and I'm afraid that I'm completely losing my patience.
Another thing that has really messed me up lately is this whole pen pal activity. It was great at first and the students were so excited to send their first letters. I was excited for them and I loved seeing their excitement in their faces as they tried so hard to make their letters perfect and draw all kinds of pictures. Last Friday was a very exciting day. They were completely ecstatic to finally receive their first letters from their pen pals. I told them at that time that the pen pal activity was no longer a class assignment. That they were no longer required to continue writing to their pen pals, but if they wanted to, they were welcome to. I also told them that if they wanted me to, I could give corrections to any further letters that they write. Well, this has completely rocked the boat for me. Not only do I have a pile of new letters accumulating on my desk, but I have stacks of exercise books I'm trying to grade to keep everyone on that front happy. And, like the other students, these students won't let up. If I don't get their letters back within one class period (40 minutes), they come running, wondering why I haven't graded their letters yet. I try to explain that I have a bunch of classwork I need to grade first, but I don't think they believe me. They just keep returning. I appreciate their enthusiasm, but right now, I just don't have the capacity to share in it.
The next battle is a new pen pal activity with Classes V and VI with students in Japan. The purpose of this activity is to write an informative letter explaining Tanzanian culture. Well, let's just say that this whole activity has not gone over nearly as well as the first pen pal activity where the students were simply writing friendly letters. Although I had a talk with each class about culture and they are able to easily discuss verbally many parts of their culture, their ability to write about it is completely limited. It's been like pulling teeth trying to get them to write even 4-5 sentences about clothing or food in Tanzania. Thus, the I've had to grade 36 letter revisions every day last week. And let me just say, it's completely exhausting (plus I had a perpetual headache that continued throughout every day last week. I think it was a weather thing, but it was definitely made worse by all the grading). And what makes it worse is that the students are just as exhausted as I am. All they want is that piece of colorful construction paper so they can write their final draft. Only a few students have reached that point yet and it's frustrating for those who have reached that point. But, I won't give it to them until they have a good letter. Like every other situation, I have an entire group of students who simply won't leave me alone. It's like they think that if they frustrate me enough they'll finally get what they want. But, I won't give in. They need to learn how to express themselves appropriately using English. I don't care how many drafts they have to write, I'm going to help lead them to a good final product. (in my education classes we called it scaffolding. The student is doing the work, but the teacher is there to offer support and help the students build on their skills.) It's really rough right now, but I'm hoping that the reward will be great in the end.
The next big fight is with Kiswahili language. I feel like many people expect me to already be fluent in Swahili and I'm sorry to disappoint them, but I'm not. I even started letting up on my own personal practice during the time I had decided that I was going home to graduate school this June. But, now that I've chosen to stay longer, I've realized how much practicing and learning time I've missed out on. So, now I've put all this pressure on myself to catch up on Kiswahili which is not helping my stress level. There are just so many things I don't understand and I'm trying to be patient with myself as I try to learn and understand it. But, it's really hard to simply be unable to communicate with the people around me.
Thus, I feel completely beat up by the time I return home each day. I know that God will not give us more than we can handle, but right now I'm agreeing with Mother Theresa: I just wish He wouldn't trust me so much. I just have to keep reminding myself that when I signed up for this, I knew it wasn't going to be easy. And honestly, nothing that is really worth doing is every going to be easy. So, I'll just keep pressing forward and praying to God for a LOT of patience. Lord knows I've been needing it, especially today.
I just have to keep reminding myself that break is only 2 weeks away. I think we all need it; the students and me. Many of them study pretty much all day every day. They are at school from 7:30am - 2:40pm and many stay after school until 4pm for tutoring. Then, after that, many of the students meet to study and practice more. They even meet sometimes on the weekend for even more practice. I know they must be completely exhausted with so much work and not enough time to relax and play. They have so much working against them: lack of resources at school and home to prepare themselves, teachers who are not well equipped to teach, illiteracy within their families, poverty. It must be tough trying to overcome all of that and find success. In some ways these students are my heroes. Not only do they have to fight so many obstacles, they're trying to learn three languages (Swahili, English, and French) and all at the same time. And, I'm complaining about trying to learn one new language. *sigh*
Well, I think I need to close things up here. In any case, any prayers you can offer will be greatly appreciated. Prayers for endurance and patience especially. I leave you with this verse that I am clinging to for hope and encouragement:
"We also glory in our sufferings, because
we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance,
character; and character, hope." Romans 5:3-4
May the Lord Bless You and Keep You,
~Christine
Hi Christine,
ReplyDeleteI realize your pretty close to your trip home. I think it will be a perfect break for you, and it will give you the chance to come back with some ground rules for all the grading. You might want to give students an x-amount of time where they should not ask you about their papers when you come back. Sometimes as students, we forget that our teachers are people too.
Peace