Missionaries are Just People with a Mission

I am now a mere eleven days from my (temporary) departure from Tanzania. I'm not going to lie, I'm really ready to be gone NOW. This is certainly not to say that I don't want to come back, or that I regret my decision to stay for another year. But, the very fact that soon I will be heading home to friends and family who have been supporting me throughout this mission has been consuming my mind. I keep trying to imagine what it's going to be like to see everyone again, but it seems that so many things have become fuzzy in my head. I have adapted so well to life here in Tanzania, that it seems (in some ways) that I have forgotten what it's like to be home in the US!

Well, as I prepare to leave, I've been trying to reflect on my time here and what I need to do differently when I get back. I already have long lists of things that I want to bring back with me. One of the main things I want to bring back are copies of worksheets for the students to do. Recently, I gave the students tests that the vast majority of the students bombed. I was very upset with the students, but mostly myself. As a teacher, my job is to prepare the students to take the tests and if they fail the tests, it's my fault for not teaching the material well enough. But, then I'm so limited in what I can do. The number of resources that I have to work with are so minimal and it drives me crazy. I also have a ton of stuff I want to bring back so that I can continue teaching the students about music. I left so many resources that I gathered during college at home, and I've really been regretting that decision. Also, I've asked the head teacher if, when he re-makes the school schedule for the second semester, I could be given specific times for music. Right now, I've been having to ask him all the time what periods I can teach music. It's so much easier for me if I know specific days and times that I will be teaching. Then, I can be prepared. He readily agreed and I made a note for him so he would not forget.

But, these are only surface level, practical things that I want to change. One big thing that I need to change is my attitude towards being a missionary and missionary work. I've realized that missionaries are people too. Just because you decide to serve in a foreign country does not automatically make you superwoman/superman. And, it doesn't mean that you will suddenly stop having emotions, or that suddenly you are a more Godly person than you were when you left. God only knows how many days I've woken up and just didn't want to do anything except lie in bed because I was so tried of being here. And I'm sure God has counted how many times I've yelled "Lord have MERCY!" in frustration. (Honestly, I think that's my new catch-phrase. LOL) And, no matter how many people want assistance from me, and as much as I want to offer that assistance, I can't help everyone and I can't do everything. But, in spite of everything that I must face, I am so blessed to be here. I thank God for the roof over my head (even if it's made of tin and is mighty loud during the rainy season), and the food that I have to eat (even if I don't have the same variety I would back the in US), and the fact that I've been able to make friends and connections here (even if I haven't known them as long as I've known people back home). But, honestly, it doesn't matter where in the world I were to choose to live, there would be many trials and there would be good days and there would be bad days. And, the truth is, at the end of the day, I'm so incredibly blessed to be here, serving these people and having these experiences.

So my conclusion is that a missionary is just a person with a mission. The mission field can be at your home, anywhere in your country, or it can be abroad. Missionary work is not limited to people who are helping the poor overseas. Sadly, I think that's a common misconception with missionary work. Although I do feel a strong calling to be abroad and God is greatly blessing and rewarding this work, I know that there are others who don't feel that same drive to be overseas. So, why not find a way to minister to those who are living near you? Why not find a way to minister to your family or in your workplace? All you have to have is some kind of purpose, even if it's only to make someone smile. :) Also, I think there are just so many stories out there of missionaries who have done such great things and all we see through those stories are the successes. I think that we forget about all of the failures, setbacks, and insecurities those people fought to get to that place of success. We forget how many times those people cried out "Lord have MERCY!!" or worse even as they tried to push through. Let me tell you, I have a LOT of respect for people who were missionaries before the modern world where email, skype, and phones connect us all. I can't imagine being the only white person in an area where no one speaks my language or knows my customs and I don't know or understand theirs. But, again, those people weren't super, they just happened to have a very big God on their side. :)

Another thing that I've realized is that I haven't really shared with my students (and maybe people in general) why I am here. (it's a terrible and almost embarrassing realization, I know!!) It came to my attention recently that the students don't really understand why I'm here. This was a rather shocking revelation for me because I just kind of assumed that they did (especially since Matt was here all last year, too). Many of the students have been complaining to me about all the work I'm giving, and it seems that every time I walk into a classroom, it's just a big whine fest. It's been really discouraging for me (in addition to all the test failures), and I've been getting frustrated because I've given up so much to be here for these kids. So, I went out on a limb today and asked class VI why they thought I was here. Honestly, I don't think they've ever even considered the question. But, after a drawn out silence, one student did answer "to teach English", which is a correct answer, but that's only part of it. I asked them if they thought the school paid me, and when I told them that the school did not pay me to be here, they were completely floored. They can't understand why someone would come here to work without being paid. I also asked if they thought I had any friends or family here before I came and they answered "no", which is the correct answer. I told them about being a missionary and what that means. I told them that the reason I'm here is because I care about them and I want to teach them well. Again, I don't think they've ever considered these things before, but now that I've brought it to their attention, maybe it will get their minds going. And, I hope it gives them just a little bit of perspective. It definitely lets me know that I need to be more open to sharing with others about my purpose for being here: God loves me and He loves Tanzania. I'm here to serve Tanzania and empower students through education. That's the only way change will happen here: when we empower the people to change their own lives.

"For by the grace given to me, I say to every one of you: do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others." Romans 12:3-5


May the Lord Bless You and Keep You,
~Christine