Disillusionment

So, lately I've been thinking a lot about foreign aid and how it impacts poor countries. Honestly, I feel like I'm becoming more and more disillusioned to the idea of foreign aid after having lived here in a poverty stricken area for many months now. I feel like I am coming to the conclusion that there are two types of foreign aid: the kind that tears down and the kind that builds up.

Now, you may ask, how is there a kind of aid that tears people down? Aid is supposed to be good, right? I mean, the definition of aid is "to help with support or relief". How can it possibly be a bad thing to provide support or relief? But, if it comes in the wrong form, it can have negative impacts. For example, people in underdeveloped countries don't have a lot of clothes, so people in developed countries say "Oh my goodness! There's a problem, those people don't have enough clothes! How can we solve the problem quickly? Let's collect a bunch of old, used, or messed up clothes that no one wants anymore and ship them to the poor countries!" That will help solve the problem, right? But, the problem continues, so more and more clothes are sent over. Soon, the people in the underdeveloped countries begin to rely on the free clothes that are being passed out from developed countries. And, as they rely more and more heavily on the free clothes from the developed countries, they begin to gain the mindset that they can't buy their own clothes from local shops or even make their own clothes. All they have to do is wait for a while and some free clothes will come their way. The same thing happens with money, medical supplies, help with infrastructure, etc.. If developed countries just keep sending over more and more money for these things, people in underdeveloped countries learn that they don't have to do anything but wait. It will come eventually. This is disabling because eventually the people and government officials will develop a mindset that "I can't do anything for myself. I have to wait for others to do it for me." Eventually, after many years, an entire country can develop this mindset. It's like a complete shut down for the country and even encourages corruption. Government officials feel free to stuff the country's money into their own pockets. Developed will come in to save the day for everyone else. In the end, this completely disables the country and it's citizens.

But, then there is the kind of aid that builds a country up. This is not the "easy" kind of aid that is provided by simply sending over a check or clothes. This is the rough and tough kind of aid that is provided by dedicated people who partner with a country, a tribe, a village, etc. This is where people from developed countries choose to come over and physically get dirty. When they require the citizens to actively participate in a project that will improve their lives. For example, imagine a group of citizens in an underdeveloped country wants to build a church. The idea would be that they would be required to collect money - maybe half of what it would take to build the church - while people from a developed country provided the other half of the money. Then, once the money was raised, both groups come together to build the church building. This empowers the people in the underdeveloped country because they are then part of the process of improving their lives/community. In the end, they have helped accomplish something big and meaningful for them and their community. And, honestly, that sense of accomplishment is addictive and empowering. If they can do that, with the help of foreign aid, what else could they do, and what could they do on their own? So, they choose their next project and keep going, making improvements to the community and their lives.

A missionary that I met here was telling me about a water project he was working on. A village was wanting/needing a water well so they could have clean water. But, when he told them that they would have to provide some of the bricks and that they would have to help build it, they refused. They simply wanted the water well, they didn't want to have to work for it. Other villages got water wells for free, without having to provide any kind of labor either, so why couldn't they have the same thing? I can't remember if the issue was ever resolved, but I can imagine that it would take time. The village would probably wait for a while because that's what so many people here think: "If I just wait and do nothing, someone else will do it for me". I hope that you see my point. The thing is, simply giving into the village's demands would disempower them, causing them to continue to feel like they have to rely on everyone else to do things for them. But, if that the village were to actually agree to provide bricks and man power, they would feel a sense of accomplishment when the project was finished. And that sense of accomplishment would hopefully encourage future actions of development.

I can't tell you how many people have asked me for things: money, a job, a letter so they can immigrate to America, or even my phone. Honestly, sometimes I get really angry. I just want to yell "isn't it enough that I've given up so much already to be here? I gave up time with friends and family, a comfortable life, and even my acceptance into graduate school!" But, one I get past that, it makes me really sad. And I have to ask myself, is it really worth it to just give these people what they're asking for? If I were just to hand out money to everyone who asks, I feel like I would be reinforcing the helpless attitude that I see so often here. It makes me sick to think about. But, at the same time, everyone needs it; everyone is desperate for some kind of relief, no matter how fleeting it may be. It's not easy, but I've made my decision that simply giving out free "gifts" to everyone is only going to compound the problem and reinforce a mentality that has taken hold of so many.

In contrast, I do believe in the effects of education and what a good education can do for people. Education is empowering because it helps people get jobs. It opens people's minds to what is out there in the world to see and participate in. It gives people opportunities that they would not otherwise be able to have. And, it reveals the problems the country is facing and helps students think of solutions to those problems. And, maybe those solutions require a degree of foreign aid, but it can't rely on the aid. At some point, steps need to be taken to help these underdeveloped countries become independent and self-sufficient. So, I guess my hope is that what I am doing is actually helping and not hurting people. I want to be a positive power in this world, not a negative one.

Of course, I will admit that there are many more problems than simply the defeating efforts of foreign aid. For example, there's also the problem of exploitation that is continuously supported by developed countries in the interest of cheap goods and labor. But, that's an entry for another time.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." - Gandhi

I hope that your week is off to a great start and that God is blessing the work that you are doing.

May the Lord Bless You and Keep You,
~Christine

Missionaries are Just People with a Mission

I am now a mere eleven days from my (temporary) departure from Tanzania. I'm not going to lie, I'm really ready to be gone NOW. This is certainly not to say that I don't want to come back, or that I regret my decision to stay for another year. But, the very fact that soon I will be heading home to friends and family who have been supporting me throughout this mission has been consuming my mind. I keep trying to imagine what it's going to be like to see everyone again, but it seems that so many things have become fuzzy in my head. I have adapted so well to life here in Tanzania, that it seems (in some ways) that I have forgotten what it's like to be home in the US!

Well, as I prepare to leave, I've been trying to reflect on my time here and what I need to do differently when I get back. I already have long lists of things that I want to bring back with me. One of the main things I want to bring back are copies of worksheets for the students to do. Recently, I gave the students tests that the vast majority of the students bombed. I was very upset with the students, but mostly myself. As a teacher, my job is to prepare the students to take the tests and if they fail the tests, it's my fault for not teaching the material well enough. But, then I'm so limited in what I can do. The number of resources that I have to work with are so minimal and it drives me crazy. I also have a ton of stuff I want to bring back so that I can continue teaching the students about music. I left so many resources that I gathered during college at home, and I've really been regretting that decision. Also, I've asked the head teacher if, when he re-makes the school schedule for the second semester, I could be given specific times for music. Right now, I've been having to ask him all the time what periods I can teach music. It's so much easier for me if I know specific days and times that I will be teaching. Then, I can be prepared. He readily agreed and I made a note for him so he would not forget.

But, these are only surface level, practical things that I want to change. One big thing that I need to change is my attitude towards being a missionary and missionary work. I've realized that missionaries are people too. Just because you decide to serve in a foreign country does not automatically make you superwoman/superman. And, it doesn't mean that you will suddenly stop having emotions, or that suddenly you are a more Godly person than you were when you left. God only knows how many days I've woken up and just didn't want to do anything except lie in bed because I was so tried of being here. And I'm sure God has counted how many times I've yelled "Lord have MERCY!" in frustration. (Honestly, I think that's my new catch-phrase. LOL) And, no matter how many people want assistance from me, and as much as I want to offer that assistance, I can't help everyone and I can't do everything. But, in spite of everything that I must face, I am so blessed to be here. I thank God for the roof over my head (even if it's made of tin and is mighty loud during the rainy season), and the food that I have to eat (even if I don't have the same variety I would back the in US), and the fact that I've been able to make friends and connections here (even if I haven't known them as long as I've known people back home). But, honestly, it doesn't matter where in the world I were to choose to live, there would be many trials and there would be good days and there would be bad days. And, the truth is, at the end of the day, I'm so incredibly blessed to be here, serving these people and having these experiences.

So my conclusion is that a missionary is just a person with a mission. The mission field can be at your home, anywhere in your country, or it can be abroad. Missionary work is not limited to people who are helping the poor overseas. Sadly, I think that's a common misconception with missionary work. Although I do feel a strong calling to be abroad and God is greatly blessing and rewarding this work, I know that there are others who don't feel that same drive to be overseas. So, why not find a way to minister to those who are living near you? Why not find a way to minister to your family or in your workplace? All you have to have is some kind of purpose, even if it's only to make someone smile. :) Also, I think there are just so many stories out there of missionaries who have done such great things and all we see through those stories are the successes. I think that we forget about all of the failures, setbacks, and insecurities those people fought to get to that place of success. We forget how many times those people cried out "Lord have MERCY!!" or worse even as they tried to push through. Let me tell you, I have a LOT of respect for people who were missionaries before the modern world where email, skype, and phones connect us all. I can't imagine being the only white person in an area where no one speaks my language or knows my customs and I don't know or understand theirs. But, again, those people weren't super, they just happened to have a very big God on their side. :)

Another thing that I've realized is that I haven't really shared with my students (and maybe people in general) why I am here. (it's a terrible and almost embarrassing realization, I know!!) It came to my attention recently that the students don't really understand why I'm here. This was a rather shocking revelation for me because I just kind of assumed that they did (especially since Matt was here all last year, too). Many of the students have been complaining to me about all the work I'm giving, and it seems that every time I walk into a classroom, it's just a big whine fest. It's been really discouraging for me (in addition to all the test failures), and I've been getting frustrated because I've given up so much to be here for these kids. So, I went out on a limb today and asked class VI why they thought I was here. Honestly, I don't think they've ever even considered the question. But, after a drawn out silence, one student did answer "to teach English", which is a correct answer, but that's only part of it. I asked them if they thought the school paid me, and when I told them that the school did not pay me to be here, they were completely floored. They can't understand why someone would come here to work without being paid. I also asked if they thought I had any friends or family here before I came and they answered "no", which is the correct answer. I told them about being a missionary and what that means. I told them that the reason I'm here is because I care about them and I want to teach them well. Again, I don't think they've ever considered these things before, but now that I've brought it to their attention, maybe it will get their minds going. And, I hope it gives them just a little bit of perspective. It definitely lets me know that I need to be more open to sharing with others about my purpose for being here: God loves me and He loves Tanzania. I'm here to serve Tanzania and empower students through education. That's the only way change will happen here: when we empower the people to change their own lives.

"For by the grace given to me, I say to every one of you: do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others." Romans 12:3-5


May the Lord Bless You and Keep You,
~Christine